There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
