Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
