I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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