I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
