He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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