he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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