Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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