My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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