i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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