I think I won the penis lottery.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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