Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
