i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize