wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
