My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
