so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
