very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
