You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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