is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
from now on my penis is your penis
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
