she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
