He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
