you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
