Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
