you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
