Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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