i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
