He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
