do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
