First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
