U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
