I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
