Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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