i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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