Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
