Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
