Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
