Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
