Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
