He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize