I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
