turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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