I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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