Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
