from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
