Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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