i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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