Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
