Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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