Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
