Non-Jews are for practice
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
