There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
