i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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