I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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