I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
