She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
