can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
