My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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