My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
