This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
