Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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