i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
