I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
