If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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