i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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