I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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